This is a common complaint coming from many of those who are unsuccessfully trying to meet some unreasonable standards against which they match their personality and possessed skills. It is indeed unreasonable to think that we can change overnight. Normally it would take years to undo all those things we dislike about ourselves, and even then, we may want to ask whether the change is mandatory. Perhaps a better way would be to grow instead of changing, cultivate those qualities of character that are yet to bloom in some favorable circumstances.
Meaning how? It is best to consult your doctor to seek professional counsel tailored to your particular needs which you may not know just yet. The very need to undergo a lasting change is a good way to start if you have been through some series of mishaps that are directly related to the way you interact with people or react to the circumstances. A solid dose of training and developing the necessary set of skills that would help you move on in life with more ease is an idea worth exploring. It is like we believe we need to turn a new leaf while we can’t because we are in a sense limited by some constraints of time, perseverance, willingness or self hate. What we can do is to best focus on what is great about us, and then find best ways (addressed in your coach or therapy sessions) to reduce the problems that stem from the problems we bring into relationships. Once you pinpoint those your coach or conselor will seek to establish a reasonable route that you should follow to meet your goals. It is rather a long journey, life journey in a way, if you are looking to undergo a lasting change. Some people are stricken by grief or other events that make them look differently at life, but even then their core personality cannot change. The damage has been done, could have happened very early and they go through life mismanaging everything. If you have been trying to introduce any change, and only to see you haven’t budged an inch, you know how it seems to be set in stone.
Things That Are Possible
Actually many things are possible. You were different once or you just forgot what you were like before, or you took on many new layers and ways of behaving. Sometimes after a great shock we fall back on the most familiar patterns of behavior, as if returning to the starting point, we retreat and escape life’s demands by going back to the previously acquired milestones. The new set of behaviors turns out to be just that: a pattern which doesn’t work. We have been let down not by ourselves but by our caretakers who failed to model the proper ways of managing life, not knowing any better themselves.