What does it take? Not much really. You don’t have to go on telling yourself to push yourself to love someone, it cannot do. Why do we wonder if it is possible? Things just happen at times to us and in that context we are merely following and not aren’t proactive. Or we are, it is just that we are simply concentrated on getting what is the best for us, eg. getting in a relationship that has no future, but getting involved anyway, thinking it might work out somehow, even if it shouldn’t. We are typically hoping for the best while it is imperative that we stand aside as a neutral observer and just see what is clearly happening here. The bait is the reward and the trap is the setting which we don’t see just yet.
Why Do We Need to Pretend?
Sometimes it is a trait that stems from our early childhood when we weren’t shown much love so we just followed the pattern our parents showed us. You may have your closest relatives but even those links that they believe to be strong could not be sufficient to make you love them back. As you respect them and feel the need to reciprocate those warm feelings out of duty even, you go on pretending to believe in the thing called love which you have never felt yourself and respect them deeply without any tokens of love.
Can We Learn to Love?
Love is something we should absorb early on and be spoonfed with for years. Raised in narcisstic love, as dictated by the modern standards of behavior, our children and their future are threatened and later they show marks of the scar of a narcisstic wound, inherited from their own parents, or their ancestors through our cold childhoods, only to be replicated again soon.
Then there you are, surrounded by the people who love you and unable to show anything that would even closely resemble what they call love. True love is becoming a real rarity and a gem that is nowhere to be found, and yet it could be somewhere, below the layers of destruction, of the ruin that is our reality. The ruined ability to love someone dearly and be willing to sacrifice a lot for their love does not let us be at peace.
The Needs and Wants
This is quite a dramatic turn of events, when you finally realize you cannot love someone, and instead have to pretend to love them so that they aren’t disappointed in you. Can you even admit to anyone that you are quite incapable of that feeling? Or you may love at random, bond only with selected individuals, then at least you have overcome your wound.